Intro - Finding My Way Home
I’d spent several years looking for a spiritual teacher to help me find something. I didn’t know what it was; I just knew something was missing from my life. I felt a lot of gratitude for everything I had in my life - my family, work, friends - and yet…
We’re blessed in London in that it’s a base for most of the major disciplines and esoteric sects, and during that period of my life I must have visited near enough all of them. Most had a lot to offer, but all of them left me with more questions than answers and I found myself unable to commit to any, much less give them my devotion
Coming back despondent one evening after yet another failed attempt, I sat down to meditate and thought “what do I want from this?”. I happen to believe in a Maker who loves everyone equally and that each living thing receives an infinite amount of guidance. So rationally that must include me. The guidance was already there in abundance and it was for me to tune into it much like tuning into a radio frequency
My DIY spiritual journey started in earnest that evening and I focussed my question - what do I want from this? Three aspects became clear:
1- I thought of beings like Buddha and Jesus whom I perceived to have had exceptional emotional detachment and objectivity - not only were they able to not take their abusers’ behaviour personally, but they were even able to be kind back to them. It didn’t matter if events were historically accurate, or even if these beings existed, it was enough their nobility was carved into my heart. If I managed to achieve a tiny bit of that I felt I would know true Peace
2- At that time I had recently had a situation where my head was crystal clear on a course of action but my heart was intent on going its own way. This brought up the question if I am one person why are bits and pieces of me in different places? Who is this “I”? I realised I needed to heal the inner division in order to get closer to my true self
3- The last answer to come through was that I became aware I wanted to raise my lower desires, my lower will, to be in alignment with an energy I had been perceiving as a Higher Will - a level of existence where we’re all connected to the Source and to each other in perfect harmony and unconditional love. I realised getting there was a pretty big ask but I thought if I set out in that general direction going as far as my road would take me, I wouldn’t go wrong
A few years after that evening I came across an article in a magazine (still pre-internet mid 90’s) about the superconscious mind, the higher mind, and I realised these three questions were a good example of a conscious mind reaching beyond itself into the superconscious. Our minds come complete with a spectacular facility and it’s a matter of taking a decision to actively employ it
That evening was around 30 years ago, and I continue to be a devoted seeker finding my way back home
